Six Big Regrets Some Pastors Have

By Doug Lawrence

There’s stuff in every life to regret, or about which to at least have faint remorse. This was certainly true of my many years in ministry, and it also seemed to be true for the half dozen or so pastors I asked to help me with this piece. I had to trim their dozens of confessed regrets down to six.

Here is the distilled result..

1. I regret that I stopped letting my wife give me reviews of my sermons—and then fixing them accordingly.

People who love us sometimes love us a lot more than the people who just need us to like them. “My wife just knows me too well and it’s embarrassing,” is a common excuse for not listening, but it might also be the reason you should listen to a spouse about your content and style.

Smart pastors of both sexes know better than to just blindly receive sycophantic praise from “fans” who may or may not have the good sense to help them get clearer and better. 

If your wife/husband is good at listening and evaluating your sermons, utilize their gifts. Oh, and yes, you can have a romantic relationship with someone who cares enough to play you straight!

 2. I regret I didn’t call my folks on Sunday afternoons instead of taking those naps.

Ministry can eat us up personally and often takes a pretty big bite out of our families too. My doing “God’s work,” for example, always made my mother proud, but she’s gone now and I just wish I had called her more often instead of letting five weekend services be a sorry excuse for not picking up the phone.

3. I regret having endless meetings instead of actually moving objectives to completion.

The biggest waste of time and vital energy in ministry can and, often is, the tyranny of the omnipresent meeting—especially those that accomplish nothing. To quote my astute colleague, consultant Hugh Ballou, “You should conduct meetings that people will love!” Is that possible? 

Having meetings that have firm, anticipated, and productive and identifiabley hoped for outcomes is better than endless “agendas” that aspire to decide something, but rarely do. 

4. I regret telling my teammates that I loved them and then ignoring the basics of friendship with them.

It has become quite fashionable for businesses to call their employees, “family.” In some cases familial-like relationship actually exists, but sometimes it’s a glib and inaccurate assessment of what really goes on in corporate settings.

Interestingly, I’ve encountered dozens of churches that speak of “family” but more often exhibit a lack of interconnectedness with staff. In the day of “at will” employment laws and ruthless firings, the so-called family atmosphere in the workplace has become difficult at best. After all, where there is no security and process, there is NO family. 

5. I regret not asking for a strong (and imperative) living wage with benefits before taking my job. 

Typically, we are advised to make sure we go into a job with a clear understanding of what we’re going to receive in salary and benefits. Churches, however, often seem like an inappropriate venue to have those discussions.

It’s a shame, really. Unless a church has a sophisticated HR person, you can be absolutely sure there will be awkward future discussions about money! At some level, those of us in ministry are responsible for not having taken care of business at the appropriate moment—before we started our relationship with the church.

 6. I regret moving from church to church so many times. It hurt me, my family, and the institution I was serving. 

Cliff Barrows, longtime musical director for the Billy Graham Crusades, was once asked what made their team so successful for decades. He said, “We’ve stayed together!”

Longevity has its rewards but you only get to benefit from them if you stick around. 

Summary: As it turns out, it’s O.K. to have regrets if, in having them, we learn to do better. Of course when we use them as an excuse for not doing better, we shouldn’t expect a “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.” People who are intentionally growing toward non-regret will most likely get those accolades.

Blessings

Doug

Doug Lawrence, internationally recognized speaker, author, and advisor, helps churches assess and improve their skillfulness in creating engaging worship experiences by utilizing his more than 35 years of "deep trench" worship leadership in prominent mainline churches.

Read more of Doug's articles at Church Central, http://www.churchcentral.com.

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